Totally Got Out Of Bed

How Do I Get Through The "Firsts"? Episode 9

With every special occasion, families have a chance to deepen bonds. We get together for birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, graduations. We celebrate. We laugh. We play. And when the tragedy of a suicide enters our lives, we have to get used to whole new patters. Holidays change. We acutely feel the absence of the presence of the loved one lost to suicide. The first birthday. The first Christmas. The first anniversary of the death.

How Do I Live My Life Again? Episode 8

As soon as the terrible loss happens, we are changed. We are changed from whatever we were before to a survivor of a loss so traumatic, our friends are reluctant to talk about it, acquaintances are silenced when they learn of it, and family are perplexed by its hold over us. It is now part of our identity. In this episode, we talk about our experience in learning to carry the grief that is forever more a part of us.

How Do I Explain How I Feel? Episode 7

How do we even begin to explain the experience of losing a loved one to suicide? "I remember feeling that people were staring and giving me 'the look'." What do you do when you get "the look?" How do we cope with this new identity--the mom who lost a child to suicide? In this episode, we talk about how we learned to tell the story of our loss, the images we've seen that help explain how we feel, and ways we've learned to understand what grief does to us.

How Do I Wrap My Mind Around This? Episode 6

In this episode we begin our series of how we got through the first year. The thing we remember most clearly is that primal scream: "Why?" Why did our loved one leave us? Why was death preferable to life? Why was our love not enough to save them? There are no answers. In this episode, we talk about learning to live in the why...

What Is Happening To My Life? What Did We Learn? Episode 5

In this episode, we'll discuss what the first few months taught us about beginning to carry on after the suicide of our loved one. There are no good answers. We will tell you what worked for us, and hopefully provide some tips you can use in this horrible new reality.

What Is Happening To My Life? Episode 4

This episode takes an important look into how we carry on after the funeral, after all the people left. Some of the hardest times might be those first few months. To us, this time seems different than the first few days. All of a sudden it's just you, with the loss of your loved one encompassing your brain. And no one to distract you. It's a whole new world.

Surviving the First Few Days, What Did We Learn? Episode 3

"Episode 3" is really Part 2 of Episode 2 where we share our reflections. After the funeral, when everyone's gone. What do you possibly do then? It certainly hasn't gotten better. It hasn't improved a damn bit. Is there a way to try and ease that pain? Has anything helped? 

Surviving the First Few Days Episode 2

How did we get through that first day? Our unsolicited, but very much welcomed Open House. The time between the death and the funeral. Planning your kid's funeral is not something someone ever has any experience at or training in. Hear how we managed to survive the most traumatic event of our lives. Trigger Warning: This episode is graphic and describes in detail what led up to the suicide of our children. It's certainly not gory, but it is specific in detail and could be difficult to listen to.

How Did We Get Here? Episode 1

In this, our first episode, we discuss the loss of our loved ones to suicide. We talk a little about our histories, and we tell some of the story of our kids. We share some of the reasons behind the launch of this project and podcast. We state our purpose, and we outline some basic ground rules we want to abide by. And, we let you in on the story behind the title, "Totally Got Out Of Bed."